I believe that I am most emotionally honest in dreams, even with myself, as it is easy to fool oneself too. Last night (or rather the early morning of the first of January) I had a dream in which I saw through images the tension between fear and greed. Step aside Machiavelli, Hobbes, and Hsun Tzu, and make way for the powerful psycho-analytical cynicism I am about to unleash on the world! Accordingly, my New Year's resolution for 2009 is to resolve the tension between fear and greed in my life, though it will not be easy. In my dream I saw how I inured myself to fear in order to satisfy my greed. There was a dark terror approaching, and I saw it on the faces of loved ones, though I willfully ignored it in order to get some much desired things that had sentimental or amusement value. I wanted to leave, but I wanted to stay as well. I could not bring myself to choose which to sacrifice. Of course, the decision should be easy, and yet there was a palpable tension. As I reflected on this, I think that if I heed the rational fear to prepare for the terrors that can anticipated, then I will have much less stress in my life. It is a perennial problem, but the dream brought it to rarefied form, and on what an auspicious day! In Japan, the first dream of the new year has a particularly important meaning.
I've already started the ball rolling to become a self described "wabi sabi woodwright". I'll post photos of my first completed project soon!